Nicole vs. Life
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
