i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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