he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
