dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
