I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Boobs are out for the taking
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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