yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
