i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
