btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
