The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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