she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i will never coherently bang her
no. you can't hotbox the world.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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