I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
