Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I think I just sharted jello shots
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