Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
