She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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