Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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