dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
