That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
