we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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