I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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