how can u be prego again
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
