How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Ketchup is God's man juice
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
