dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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