that's an acceptable place to lick
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
