i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
