He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
