Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
