Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
