Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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