Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
