I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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