Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
