Kiss
Puke
I intend to get homeless drunk
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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