New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
