That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
