i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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