A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
