don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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