hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
