Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
