Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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