I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
