He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
