that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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