So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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