Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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