I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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