Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
