would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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