Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
