I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
