where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
