I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
