Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
