so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
send nudes
from the living room?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
