I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Bang-toberfest begins!!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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