The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
it's like heaven, but drunker
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
