I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
