He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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