Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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