He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
