oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
