He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
