My first STD was from a foam party
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
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