I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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