it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
