her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
