I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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