when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize