Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
