I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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