Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
