i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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