its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
