She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
